Recommendations for Natural/Birth/First/Blood Parents Print
Written by Wraith   
Friday, 23 May 2008 19:29

  1. Be patient and don't back away.
  2. Try to indulge our curiosity. Sometimes we'll question things that non-adoptees take for granted. But be patient with us. We need to understand and internalize them in the same way that a child explores and eventually comes to understand the world around him.
  3. Own up to your truth as well as your child's truth
  4. Be compassionate to us. We may have had a great life or a bad one. You may have relinquished us out of necessity or coercion but this is a big thing for us.
  5. Understand we aren't all gold diggers or murderers or stalkers. We want to find a part of ourselves we have never known, to see a face that looks like ours.
  6. Share the information you have. Many of us don't have access to accurate records and holding that information because it's painful is painful for us too. Don't make us beg or plead for our information and don't hold it over our heads either.
  7. Understand that many of us consider the people who raised us our parents. Don't disparage them to us.
  8. If you have relinquished and not reunited, please give any medical information to the agency as soon as you can and keep it updated. This information doesn't just affect us, but our children and theirs as well.
  9. Temper any expectations on what is expected of us...ie..being YOUR child, telling us that we should be thankful we wern't aborted.
  10. Stand in your own pain as I am having to stand in my own pain as a result of the circumstances
  11. Don't harbor guilt about us, it will ony interfere with us getting to know each other. Don't refer to us as the "one mistake" you made back in the day.
  12. Please don't keep us a secret. Your brothers, sisters, children, and parents are our blood too.
  13. We are both going to feel emotionally overwhelm from time to time. When this happens, find someone to talk to about it: clergy, friend, psychologist, support group; however, do not "lash out" at me and say you would rather the reunion have not occurred. All this does is confuse and frustrate things further, and could lead to greater distance and deeper wounds being created.
  14. Don't hide the name of our fathers/mothers if you have it. Whatever the relationship you had with them doesn't affect that they are our father/mother and we should be allowed to find them if we wish. After all, they have half our history too.
  15. Giving us up isn't the end of the story. While we understand there may have been extenuating circumstances the first time, the second time there shouldn't be. Don't reject us.
  16. Protect and stand up for your children's civil rights. Speak out for equal access to original birth certificates whenever possible. Especially make it clear to the agency involved with your adoption that you SUPPORT equal access.


Have a recommendation? Drop us a line at Wraith at chosenbabies dot com
Last Updated ( Saturday, 09 August 2008 05:35 )