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How can you cry when you didn’t know her? |
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Written by Robert Hafetz
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Saturday, 25 October 2008 02:59 |
One of the most difficult outcomes of searching for our bonded first mother is the discovery of a grave at the end of the search. Guided by the desire to bring our memories into balance, resolve the past, and end the pain, our emotions intensify as the search moves forward. Anticipating closure, and a chance to escape from our past, we find the silence and isolation of death. The adoptee may feel that providence has cheated us once again, as fate moves beyond our control. We have completed the journey, overcome the impossible, and embraced our inner pain expecting relief, when more of what we seek to escape from is found waiting for us. It is a second death for us, with the first being the memory of her loss. Now confronted with death at the end of our search, both losses combine and the grief can be unimaginably difficult to bear. How can this be? Unresolved, disenfranchised, grief does not weaken as the years pass by. Time has no meaning for powerful emotions and the loss we experienced as infants thrives decades later as if it has just happened. The bond that joins a mother and her child extends through the decades, across any distance, and endures even beyond death. So then, how can we cry when we didn’t know her? The truth is that we did know her, and we remember.
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Last Updated ( Saturday, 25 October 2008 03:16 )
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Adoption Committee Now In Session |
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Written by Trish Lay
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Wednesday, 28 May 2008 15:57 |
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See I have these adoption yahoo’s who sit at a table in my head and when I get tired, run down or just having a plain old bad day - they start to chatter like squirrels in an argument over nuts. No, it is not schizophrenia – thank you very much. It is more like a bunch of people arguing their point; who I have affectionately named: Rejection, Abandonment, and Sabotage, Unworthy, Confused, Identity, and Betrayed.
Usually Abandonment and Rejection lead the meeting by creating negative situations or scenarios within my mind. Then Sabotage takes a hold of those feelings and runs wild with it, while Unworthy and Betrayed press and encourage their point. Confused and Identity are more on the quiet side because they really don’t know who they are, so it’s hard for them to speak up. |
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Last Updated ( Wednesday, 28 May 2008 21:45 )
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Harmony Through Conflict |
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Written by Trish Lay
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Wednesday, 28 May 2008 15:47 |
When I was three years old, my adoptive mother was holding me as we stood in line at the grocery store. A gentleman in front of us turned and said what a pretty little girl I was…I then replied with, “no I’m not…I’m adopted.”
Being adopted weighed on my shoulders for decades. Rejection and Abandonment coursed through my veins. My adopted father rejected me…and the words “if you don’t behave yourself, we’ll take you back and get another baby...” haunted my core being.
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Last Updated ( Wednesday, 28 May 2008 20:35 )
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Release the Reality |
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Written by Trish Lay
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Wednesday, 28 May 2008 15:37 |
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Birthmothers and Adoptive parents don’t often like to hear what I have to say. I guess hearing what could possibly happen to their child is frightening. I don’t blame them. If I saw some future experiences of mine, I would be frightened too.
My first suicide attempt was when I was 14. The other attempts came in my 20’s when finally, I achieve the strength and courage to put life and death on the table. If death was to be chosen; commit and end things. If life is chosen; commit and never go to the option of death again. Life was chosen and on that night I physically faced my demons eye to eye and told them they no longer served a purpose in my life and I will never allow the screaming me-me’s to take me down.
See, as an adoptee the inner pain is so deep and painful it is no wonder statistics are high for suicide and substance abuse among Adoptees.
With the system constantly protecting the birthmother, once again we are rejected from knowing our origin. Not to mention the media portrays us as self-absorbed individuals who seek to create havoc on our birth parents, when all we quest to find is a connection or understanding from where we began. |
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Last Updated ( Wednesday, 28 May 2008 21:53 )
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Adoptive Plane |
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Written by Wraith
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Friday, 23 May 2008 22:30 |
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Page 1 of 2 The Triad The three main groups of adoption are usually represented by a triangle however, this can misrepresent the reality of the members of adoption. 
The triangle appears to: - demonstrate an equal distance or separation between the three members.
- show an equal or harmonious connection between the adoptee and the adoptee’s two families.
- symbolize that the birth family and adoptive family are raising the child’s interest above their own.
- exhibit that the relationship or communication between the adoptee and their adoptive and birth family is equal and similar.
These are rarely true.
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Last Updated ( Tuesday, 19 August 2008 04:43 )
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