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Birthmothers and Adoptive parents don’t often like to hear what I have to say. I guess hearing what could possibly happen to their child is frightening. I don’t blame them. If I saw some future experiences of mine, I would be frightened too.
My first suicide attempt was when I was 14. The other attempts came in my 20’s when finally, I achieve the strength and courage to put life and death on the table. If death was to be chosen; commit and end things. If life is chosen; commit and never go to the option of death again. Life was chosen and on that night I physically faced my demons eye to eye and told them they no longer served a purpose in my life and I will never allow the screaming me-me’s to take me down.
See, as an adoptee the inner pain is so deep and painful it is no wonder statistics are high for suicide and substance abuse among Adoptees.
With the system constantly protecting the birthmother, once again we are rejected from knowing our origin. Not to mention the media portrays us as self-absorbed individuals who seek to create havoc on our birth parents, when all we quest to find is a connection or understanding from where we began.
Why does society constantly want to keep us in the dark? Why do secrets and lies win out over integrity, forgiveness, understanding and compassion? Life is not fairy tail, nor does it have a happy ending; we all have to die someday and in-between being born and perishing, we live. Why is it as an adoptee from the moment we are brought into this world, our lives and how we live it - is decided for us? “You don’t have a right to your birth file,” which translated means; “you don’t have a right to know who you are.” “You can’t search for your birthmother, she is protected by law.” Why does everybody else have a beginning and an ending and we only have a kinda sorta, but not really beginning with an ending we are uncertain of because we are not privy to our Medical Information which could contain IMPORANT details about our genetics, but because our right to know where we came from is illegal – we go on living in the mysterious cloud of insecurity.
And when/if you do locate your birthmother, often times she will lie to keep you from knowing the real truth. Is it no wonder the pain of rejection, abandonment, lies and secrets prevail within the deep dark abyss of our being. How can this be ignored?
This hard look at reality is called education. I tire of hearing about Adoptees I have known taking their life because they can’t deal or don’t know how to deal or are not supported in knowing how to deal.
Why can’t forgiveness be replaced by anger and fear? With the access to healing avenues such as books, workshops, websites, and therapist’s specializing in adoption; there is no excuse for the lack of self-education any longer.
It’s time to grow up, stop playing the victim in our situation and embrace the wonders of life. I’ve had a crazy un-settling life; nonetheless, I got tired of constantly being unhappy by my own accord. Step up; make a difference in your own life. Find forgiveness for yourself and others. Take responsibility for your own actions – find the love for yourself first. Be happy and grateful for the experiences that have led you to this moment. Embrace being adopted and find ways to help others through their life experiences. As selfish as it sounds, it will help you with your issues. Absorb and educate yourself on the adoption issues flying around your mind and soul in order to help let go of the past and move toward the future. Nobody is alone in this process. We all have felt and dealt with similar situations.
Make the conscious choice to be free and build your own foundation, with or without help from “knowing.” It’s totally up to you; your choice.
As disconnected as we may feel, we are one. We are survivors who promote change. Help yourself, help others. Be a leader in your life, not a follower.
“A good leader inspires people to have confidence in their leader. A great leader inspires people to have confidence in themselves.” ~Anonymous
Trish Lay is a Professional Life/Leadership Coach. For more information visit her website at: www.SoulsAtPlayProductions.com. Or contact her directly at: TrishLay at gmail dot com
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